“Be the Change You Wish To See In the World”

I used to feel that it was impossible for a person like me to incite lasting change in the world. That is until Mahatma Gandhi’s quote really hit home. I have learned that the most lasting change comes when we lead by example, when we inspire others to do as we do. How we behave as individuals is reflected in the behaviour of wider society.

The example that you set now and in the future, will set the tone for the next generation. This concept is particularly poignant for me right now, as I am pregnant with my second child. You don’t need to be a parent to lead by example, though. We are all teachers to someone; family, friends, neighbours or colleagues.

How can you make a difference?

My Top Tips

1. Don’t take things personally:

Initially, this is often one of the most difficult things to do, but with practice, it will get easier and easier. All you need to do is remind yourself that when someone gets angry or upset, it is their fear that is talking and not them! (All negative emotions can be interpreted as fear) They are fearful and by responding with anger you only exacerbate the situation until one of you ‘makes peace’ or until you go your separate ways. What if I told you that by changing the way you feel about this person, the whole energy dynamic will improve?

When you remind yourself that all negative behaviour is just fear in disguise, you will feel so much better and will realise that there is nothing to take personally. It is all about ‘them’ and nothing to do with you at all. Eventually, all negative emotions will drop away and you will feel only compassion.

EXERCISE

Think of someone who you have had conflict with; either recently or in the past, (a small argument will do for this exercise) ask yourself:

‘Was this about me or them?’

If it is about them: Perhaps you remind them of someone or even of themselves: often the behaviour we tolerate least is the behaviour that mirrors our own weaknesses. For instance, if, in the past you had a problem with listening or your attention span was very short, you might find the same behaviour in someone else absolutely intolerable. So, often the behaviour of others is a reflection of your own behaviour (past or present).

If it is about you: ask yourself what you were afraid of? What action could you have taken to dissipate this fear? All emotions can be interpreted as a call to action- after all, when you’re tummy rumbles; you easily interpret that as a call to eat. What do you do when you feel sad? Do you continue to feel sad or do you interpret the emotion and find a solution?

What could you have done to remedy your fear?

2. Change yourself first!

It is impossible to change others through force. In fact, the harder you try, the more they will resist. It is, therefore, much better to focus on developing yourself, as then you can shine with love and humour * and inspire others to follow your lead. Also, the more you work on yourself, the less other people’s behaviour will disrupt your peace and the less inclined you will feel to try to change them, so you see, it is an upward cycle.

* Humour is a great tool: react with it and respond with it whenever you can. Humour can lighten the saddest and heaviest of moods. As always, practice makes perfect.

Final thought: All war; whether it is on the battlefield, in the boardroom or in the classroom, relates to fear. The best way to heal fear is through love, kindness and understanding.

This morning I read Shaa Wasmund’s blog ‘Declaring War on Guilt’ and it got me thinking; 'There has to be a solution here' - I’m someone who always likes to look for solutions to problems.

As Shaa says, there is nothing worse than nearing the end of the year and having that overwhelming sense of guilt when reflecting on all the goals that haven’t been achieved. She gives some great advice on getting a mentor or an accountability buddy and working to make 2015 an incredible year for fulfilling your goals. All this is wonderful, yet I am left wondering whether a lot could still be achieved in the next 20 days?!

If you are anything like me, you will have a long list of, almost completed, projects and sometimes something as small as a well written email to the right person can make all the difference.

So, I set you the most immense of goals. Make everyone of these 20 days count! Reflect on projects old and new, create an action plan and start ticking off each little step, one by one. You will be amazed by how much you can achieve in just one little day. It is all about tying up loose ends.

If you have limiting beliefs holding you back, then take the time to bust them! All you need to do is list these negative beliefs that are standing between you and success and then contradict them.

“I’ve got no time!” You may say J

As many of you know, I am a full-time mum and I manage to get all my work done while my baby girl sleeps or is being looked after by my wonderful partner. I worked out that, on a good day, during the week, I have 5 hours to play with- once I have checked my emails and done any urgent admin, if I am lucky I am left with 4 hours. On a bad day, I may just have two hours, so for me it is not about making each day count, but rather each hour!

Let me know how it goes by commenting in the box, below, i love hearing success stories!

“Procrastination leads to nothing. Just take action and that creative energy will lead to much more than you can imagine!” (wisely thought by me)

I have a great remedy for anyone who has ever felt de-motivated and lack lustre. If you have ‘been there’, you will know that sinking, low, frustrated feeling I am talking about. For some people it leads to tears and for others it manifests itself in anger. Like a rabbit caught in headlamps, there is too much fear to move in any one direction.

From time to time, I feel like this too. I have a great tool that not only helps me overcome this, but makes my life better in every way as a result of its implementation. As you can imagine, I no longer fear these moments, as I know that it is simply a way of letting go of the old and bringing in the new. I believe that emotions are not meant to be ‘FELT’, but are rather intended to point us in new directions. I often use ‘thirst and hunger’ as examples because these needs are, for most people, easily satisfied. We feel them, interpret them and overcome them- usually in moments. Do other ‘feelings’ need to be any different?

For me, this month is holiday season. I have little trips away and long weekends all month (lucky me). Work wise things are quiet and Paris (where I am based) is calm. What a perfect time to relax, you may think. Initially, I couldn’t seem to take myself out of work mode and I found myself feeling this ‘stuckness’ I mentioned. So, what did I do? I took some time to really listen to myself. I asked myself how I was feeling and what was important to me right now and I very quickly felt much better.

I set myself a schedule for this year and never factored in holidays and weeks off (whoops) and that feeling was simply my motivated self feeling frustrated, so you see, I was never really de-motivated, just motivated and frustrated at the same time!

How about you?

Take an afternoon or an evening off (or as much time as you can spare) to ask yourself the following questions. Listen to yourself and find out what you really want and then ask yourself how you can achieve it? Dream big dreams and set realistic and satisfying goals.

1. How do I feel?
2. What do I really want?
3. What goals have a set and not yet achieved?
4. How can I achieve my goals?
5. How can I change my reality?
6. What have I been worrying about that doesn’t really matter?
7. What is really important to me?

Maybe there are other questions that you feel the need to ask yourself. Go ahead and ask them!

Give it a try and see if it works for you too. Do leave your comments in the box, below. 

Do you ever wonder what your emotions signify?

Would you like to understand yourself better?

Would you like to have more control over your emotions?


I've developed a great tool for all of you who just answered YES to one or more of the above questions.

I do, what I call, a Personal Inventory almost every day. I'd like to take you through some steps, so that you can do this for yourself at home.

Why should you do this?

Your body can be compared to a finely tuned machine- every twinge you feel in your body signifies something. When you feel hungry what is your body saying to you? What does this incite you to do? Why is it that when you feel sad, you continue to feel sad? Emotions aren't intended to be acted out; they are your body’s way of pointing you in a new direction. Your emotional sensitivities are one of the greatest blessings. Without them, you would have no direction in your life.

All negative emotions can be identified as fear. Fear has no power in itself. It is only powerful when it is ignored. Indeed, the more you ignore it, the stronger the emotion becomes. By confronting it head on and interpreting the message your body, mind and soul are sending you, you can find peace of mind and an increased sense of self- esteem.

 
Here's how to interpret your emotions when your heart is feeling heavy or you feel in some way held back:

Ask yourself the following questions. Write down the first things that come into your head, as they are usually the most accurate.

1. How do I feel? *

2. What does this mean?

3. Is there anything I can do to change this?

* If you have listed more than one emotion in response to question 1, repeat steps 2 and 3 until you have considered every emotion listed.

4. Do I have any limiting beliefs here? **

** A limiting belief is a belief which conflicts with your desired result. As long as you have limiting beliefs, your desires will never fully materialise. So, if you feel frustrated and held back, this may well be the reason.

In response to limiting beliefs:

5. Write down your limiting belief- for example: 'I don't have the knowledge or experience to be successful' and then write down a counter argument in the positive 'I have all the knowledge and experience I need to be successful'. Write this down 10 times.

6. Continue to write down this positive statement 10 times each evening before you go to sleep and 10 times each morning after waking up. Do this for 21 days and see how your world transforms around you.

When done regularly, this tool can boost your self confidence and help you to feel more at peace.

Please do email me with your results, as i always love to hear about your successes!