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Let go off Anxiety for now
Let go off Anxiety for now

Positive Voice Blog

Overcome anxiety in one simple step

Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2017 by Positivevoice

Anxiety is a state that comes from within. Yes, of course external factors play a part, but the final decision as to whether you feel anxious is yours. Anxiety can be very useful, as it acts as a warning signal; If you feel anxious about an upcoming commitment, it usually means that something needs to be changed. If you need to pack for your holiday, the anxiety serves as a reminder to finish your packing. If you have a public speaking engagement coming up, perhaps the anxiety is a reminder that you need to prepare your speech. If you have been invited to your ex's wedding, then the anxiety may just be a warning sign that you shouldn't go! Only you can decipher your anxiety. Ask yourself BOLD questions and you will receive BOLD answers.

If your anxiety relates to things outside your control or you struggle to find a rational explanation for it, then my latest hypnotherapy audio may be just what you are looking for. Let go of anxiety now is available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon music.



The Surest Way to Happiness

Posted on Friday, March 13, 2015 by Positivevoice

Have you ever blamed other people or outside events for your state of emotional well being?

Have you ever thought, “I’ll be happy… when”?

If you’re anything like me, you will say ‘yes’ to both of the above statements.

However, perhaps, you’re also aware that your happiness needn’t be dependent on other people, places or things?

In fact, if it is, you are going to be on a constant emotional rollercoaster: “I can’t afford X” (cue very sad face), “She can’t make it to my party” (This is the END of the world), “I’ve just lost my job” (My life is over)…

BUT, it needn’t be like this! You see, with a few subtle tweaks to your belief systems, nothing will have the power to affect you in this way (well, at least not for long). Of course, we are all human, so it is normal to feel at least a little sadness or disappointment for a moment or two, but what is not ideal is to feel it ALL the time.

For instance, when I find that my little girl doesn’t want to take a nap during the afternoon, rather than focusing on all the work I can’t do (which I love, by the way), I focus on the things that we can do together. I usually say, “OK, let’s go to the park” and once we get there, I know we will run into some other lovely mummies and babies and have an absolute ball and then I can (almost always) guarantee that little Lola will sleep very well that night. You see, it’s all about being positive and solution focused. After all, negative emotions don’t change ANYTHING!

So, where do these feelings begin?

Well, thoughts, feelings and actions are intrinsically linked:

  • When we feel something, we instantly look for meaning, which comes in the form of thoughts
  • When we have a thought or say something, we instantly connect emotionally with these words or thoughts
  • When we take action, this leads to and is preceded by thoughts and feelings

So, how do we control/ modify this automatic chain of reactions:

The Solution:


Each thought can be confronted with what I call, a ‘Counter Thought’. Imagine for a moment that you are your own coach. What would someone who wants the very best for you say? As I have already mentioned, it is all about being positive and solution focused. Here are just a few possibilities:

So next time, you don’t like the thoughts going on within you, come up with a great counter thought. When you’re feeling sad and don’t know why, rather than trying to give your feelings meaning*, take action to bring more joy into your life. Go out into the sunshine, search for solutions on YouTube or read a positive blog. Practice really does make perfect when it comes to this technique- eventually, it will become a natural reflex for you to come up with a counter thought or to take action to help yourself feel better. 

* If you would like to interpret your emotions, you can also do this. Check out my blog to find out how: Read more



How to Create More Peace in Your Life: My 2 Top Tips

Posted on Tuesday, February 03, 2015 by Positivevoice

“Be the Change You Wish To See In the World”

 

I used to feel that it was impossible for a person like me to incite lasting change in the world. That is until Mahatma Gandhi’s quote really hit home. I have learned that the most lasting change comes when we lead by example, when we inspire others to do as we do. How we behave as individuals is reflected in the behaviour of wider society.

 

The example that you set now and in the future, will set the tone for the next generation. This concept is particularly poignant for me right now, as I am pregnant with my second child. You don’t need to be a parent to lead by example, though. We are all teachers to someone; family, friends, neighbours or colleagues.

 

How can you make a difference?

 

My Top Tips

 

  1. Don’t take things personally:

 

Initially, this is often one of the most difficult things to do, but with practice, it will get easier and easier. All you need to do is remind yourself that when someone gets angry or upset, it is their fear that is talking and not them! (All negative emotions can be interpreted as fear) They are fearful and by responding with anger you only exacerbate the situation until one of you ‘makes peace’ or until you go your separate ways. What if I told you that by changing the way you feel about this person, the whole energy dynamic will improve?

 

When you remind yourself that all negative behaviour is just fear in disguise, you will feel so much better and will realise that there is nothing to take personally. It is all about ‘them’ and nothing to do with you at all. Eventually, all negative emotions will drop away and you will feel only compassion.

 

EXERCISE

 

Think of someone who you have had conflict with; either recently or in the past, (a small argument will do for this exercise) ask yourself:

 

‘Was this about me or them?’

 

If it is about them: Perhaps you remind them of someone or even of themselves: often the behaviour we tolerate least is the behaviour that mirrors our own weaknesses. For instance, if, in the past you had a problem with listening or your attention span was very short, you might find the same behaviour in someone else absolutely intolerable. So, often the behaviour of others is a reflection of your own behaviour (past or present).

 

If it is about you: ask yourself what you were afraid of? What action could you have taken to dissipate this fear? All emotions can be interpreted as a call to action- after all, when you’re tummy rumbles; you easily interpret that as a call to eat. What do you do when you feel sad? Do you continue to feel sad or do you interpret the emotion and find a solution?

 

What could you have done to remedy your fear?

 

  1. Change yourself first!

 

It is impossible to change others through force. In fact, the harder you try, the more they will resist. It is, therefore, much better to focus on developing yourself, as then you can shine with love and humour * and inspire others to follow your lead. Also, the more you work on yourself, the less other people’s behaviour will disrupt your peace and the less inclined you will feel to try to change them, so you see, it is an upward cycle.

 

Humour is a great tool: react with it and respond with it whenever you can. Humour can lighten the saddest and heaviest of moods. As always, practice makes perfect.

 

Final thought: All war; whether it is on the battlefield, in the boardroom or in the classroom, relates to fear. The best way to heal fear is through love, kindness and understanding.



How to Ditch the Guilt & Finish The Year Feeling Great

Posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2014 by Positivevoice

This morning I read Shaa Wasmund’s blog ‘Declaring War on Guilt’ and it got me thinking; 'There has to be a solution here' - I’m someone who always likes to look for solutions to problems.

As Shaa says, there is nothing worse than nearing the end of the year and having that overwhelming sense of guilt when reflecting on all the goals that haven’t been achieved. She gives some great advice on getting a mentor or an accountability buddy and working to make 2015 an incredible year for fulfilling your goals. All this is wonderful, yet I am left wondering whether a lot could still be achieved in the next 20 days?!

If you are anything like me, you will have a long list of, almost completed, projects and sometimes something as small as a well written email to the right person can make all the difference.

So, I set you the most immense of goals. Make everyone of these 20 days count! Reflect on projects old and new, create an action plan and start ticking off each little step, one by one. You will be amazed by how much you can achieve in just one little day. It is all about tying up loose ends.

If you have limiting beliefs holding you back, then take the time to bust them! All you need to do is list these negative beliefs that are standing between you and success and then contradict them.

“I’ve got no time!” You may say J

As many of you know, I am a full-time mum and I manage to get all my work done while my baby girl sleeps or is being looked after by my wonderful partner. I worked out that, on a good day, during the week, I have 5 hours to play with- once I have checked my emails and done any urgent admin, if I am lucky I am left with 4 hours. On a bad day, I may just have two hours, so for me it is not about making each day count, but rather each hour!


Let me know how it goes by commenting in the box, below, i love hearing success stories!

“Procrastination leads to nothing. Just take action and that creative energy will lead to much more than you can imagine!” (wisely thought by me)





How to stop feeling STUCK & Start feeling MOTIVATED: One simple technique

Posted on Tuesday, August 19, 2014 by Positivevoice


I have a great remedy for anyone who has ever felt de-motivated and lack lustre. If you have ‘been there’, you will know that sinking, low, frustrated feeling I am talking about. For some people it leads to tears and for others it manifests itself in anger. Like a rabbit caught in headlamps, there is too much fear to move in any one direction.

From time to time, I feel like this too. I have a great tool that not only helps me overcome this, but makes my life better in every way as a result of its implementation. As you can imagine, I no longer fear these moments, as I know that it is simply a way of letting go of the old and bringing in the new. I believe that emotions are not meant to be ‘FELT’, but are rather intended to point us in new directions. I often use ‘thirst and hunger’ as examples because these needs are, for most people, easily satisfied. We feel them, interpret them and overcome them- usually in moments. Do other ‘feelings’ need to be any different?

For me, this month is holiday season. I have little trips away and long weekends all month (lucky me). Work wise things are quiet and Paris (where I am based) is calm. What a perfect time to relax, you may think. Initially, I couldn’t seem to take myself out of work mode and I found myself feeling this ‘stuckness’ I mentioned. So, what did I do? I took some time to really listen to myself. I asked myself how I was feeling and what was important to me right now and I very quickly felt much better.

I set myself a schedule for this year and never factored in holidays and weeks off (whoops) and that feeling was simply my motivated self feeling frustrated, so you see, I was never really de-motivated, just motivated and frustrated at the same time!

How about you?

Take an afternoon or an evening off (or as much time as you can spare) to ask yourself the following questions. Listen to yourself and find out what you really want and then ask yourself how you can achieve it? Dream big dreams and set realistic and satisfying goals.

  1. How do I feel?
  2. What do I really want?
  3. What goals have a set and not yet achieved?
  4. How can I achieve my goals?
  5. How can I change my reality?
  6. What have I been worrying about that doesn’t really matter?
  7. What is really important to me?

Maybe there are other questions that you feel the need to ask yourself. Go ahead and ask them!

Give it a try and see if it works for you too. Do leave your comments in the box, below. 



How to become exceptional

Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2014 by Positivevoice


Anyone interested in personal development will want to improve themselves in some way. After all, we are all a work in progress. Even the greatest teachers still have something to learn.

People often ask me: ‘How can I become more: ‘confident’, ‘positive’, ‘well spoken’, ‘organised’… You fill in the blank.

Here is my answer: ‘Stand on the shoulders of giants’, Learn from the masters in the field. All you need to do is seek someone out who ‘knows’. These days we have access to everything. You will find amazing information in books and on Youtube. Once you have read a few books and watched a few videos, you will have a point of comparison and be able, if you so wish, to choose a coach or teacher in order to perfect your skills, but why not start by teaching yourself; by reading a book or watching a video. These days it is SO easy to learn.



How You Do Something is How You Do Everything

Posted on Sunday, June 15, 2014 by Positivevoice


Today I was doing some public speaking training with an accent reduction client and I gave her the topic: ‘What are you passionate about?’

She delivered a lovely speech explaining that she was still looking for that one incredible, life changing vocation. What I find interesting here is that she immediately associated passion with work and then delivered a very passionate speech about it! 

Passion for me is anything that you feel strongly about. My lovely partner, Philippe, and I have recently started doing some abstract paintings on canvases with acrylics and I love it! I get really excited about all the different colours and textures and constantly marvel at the beauty of a simple brush stroke. On Saturday night, I was painting. It was well after midnight and I was on a high- i had almost finished the most beautiful painting (it is my third) and I decided that it wasn’t quite complete. It was just too simple. I thought a few splashes of colour would help… and I ruined it! I was devastated. I realised that I had been too impatient to finish. I could have left the first layers to dry and added to it the next day, but I was just too impatient to feel that sense of achievement that can only be felt when you finish something. In that moment, I had a huge learning. I know that how we do something is often how we do everything and I suddenly became aware of a pattern I have been running- I now call it reckless impatience.

This kind of awareness is so useful, as it means that we can begin to rein in unwanted behaviour and transform our 'bad' habits into better ones. It is with a great sense of relief that I build up this awareness and am able to consciously create more positive habits.

Today, I left a half-finished painting to dry and am looking forward to adding the final touches tomorrow!

What kind of patterns are you running? Are they helping or hindering your journey through life?




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