My job has recently been transferred from the UK to an Asian country. With the move from my established position to a new challenging role in a new environment, I suddenly found myself lacking my usual level of confidence...

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Positive Voice Blog

Take Confidence in your Stride

Posted on Wednesday, December 07, 2011 by Positivevoice

One of the best ways to become a confident communicator is to shift your focus away from yourself and how you feel and on to other people. I often say a little prayer before working with a client and ask that I may help them as much as possible; this shifts my focus away from myself and on to my client almost immediately. In this way, I am able to give them my all, and when I do this my ego drops away; I become far removed from myself and my feelings and all that is left is my strong intention to help another. It is only in this way that I can coach with absolute confidence.

If you are one of those people who often walks around lost in your own negative thoughts, a great way to practice externalising your focus would be to really look at the world around you by taking in the sights, smells and sounds of your environment. In doing this, you will break the repetitive pattern of thoughts that are, in part, causing your uncertainty. Another way would be to ask questions in social situations and then to really listen to the responses, whilst taking in everything about the person who is speaking; the tone and timbre of their voice, the expression on their face and the content of their speech.

Once you have become proficient at externalising your focus, I challenge you to confront any fears you have about communicating with others. You can do this by taking yourself out of your usual comfort zone, whilst remaining emotionally detached. Notice your emotions as they surface; view them objectively without labelling them as good or bad, say thank you to them and smile because they are the signal that you are about to grow.

Emotions are just your body's way of sending you signals; without these signals, how would you know when to change direction? And if you were to stand still all your life, you would stagnate. Nothing would challenge you and without challenges you wouldn't have the opportunity to grow. So, you see, it is through this detached form of self awareness that you can follow the signs and, in so doing, continue to grow and develop, which is just so important. As William. S Burroughs so famously said 'When you stop growing, you start dying'. So, face your fears. Do it with faith and emotional detachment and you will soon see your confidence levels beginning to rise.

Stop Waiting and Start Living

Posted on Wednesday, September 07, 2011 by Positivevoice

Thank you to all those of you who came to this weekend's retreat. It was a really lovely, relaxing weekend and i think we all learnt a great deal.

During the course of the weekend, one thing kept coming up; 'I'll be happy when... i get married... i have children... get a promotion... or move abroad'. If you say this, you're actually putting off being happy. It's almost like your happiness is 'on hold' until you 'arrive'. As my good friend, Fran Fowler, (author of 'Your Life Sucks') said on Sunday, 'You're never going to arrive!' You see, as we attain our goals, they are merely replaced with higher, more challenging ones. It is human nature to keep setting higher goals due to an inherent desire to grow. As William S. Burroughs famously put it in 1953 'When you stop growing, you start dying'.

So, where does this leave us?

I believe goal-setting and growing to be incredibly important, but our lives must be balanced with relaxation, fun and above all, passion. Far too many people push their passions to one side, thinking that they are not as important as more serious goals, such as saving up for a house, paying the mortgage or advancing in their careers. If you do this, please ask yourself: 'Does this make me happy?'. If it does, then that is great and you need read no further.

If it doesn't: I challenge you to make a list of all the things that make you happy and to tick at least one off everyday! You never know, you may even realise that you have already been making time for some of the things that make you happy. Either way, compile your list and take some time to reflect. I know it seems very simple, but i think you'll find that some of the most effective exercises are!

Have a wonderful week :)

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